That Didn't Work...Being A Generalized Woodsman

A previous pear shaped puffball find. These are past their prime

I sat on the edge of a bean field, curled up into an opening in the brush, shotgun in hand and a turkey call in my mouth. It'd been a little over an hour, which in turkey time isn't much, but I was itching for some action. Behind me lay an open river bottom, skirted by the towering, complex crowns of oak trees, their sprawling branches in the shape of lightning. I'd already seen five or six squirrels and I'd neither seen nor heard any turkey.

So, instead of being a diligent hunter, I snuck through the hedge and into the cool blues and grays of the forest floor. The creek bed that I found inside the little enclave of woods was mostly dry, but enough moisture was left to make my footsteps almost inaudible. Soon I spotted a bounding patch of orange, a fox squirrel. I snuck up as quietly as possible, but the squirrel was on to me. It was morning, however, and apparently he was feeling brave, so he stopped for a moment to figure out what exactly was trying to avoid detection on the forest floor below his perch.

I took that hesitation and blew him out of the tree. It was a perfect, clean kill and the little guy tumbled a good forty feet out of the canopy. Squirrel number two wasn't as clean and was shot from a lower branch, but it was only a matter of half an hour before I had a nice handful of healthy tree dwellers to go home with.

Top Three Times My Plans Failed in a Good Way

1. White Bass Blitz
If you've ever experienced fish slamming bait on the surface, it's a thrill like nothing else. I was cat fishing and already had one of my best days in a while when I saw white bass breaking the surface like dolphins. I would cast out a little white rooster tail, which imitates shad, and booom; one after another I pulled them in.

2. Pounds O Shrooms

Recently, I went fishing with my friend Stuart. The lake was flooded like no one's business and we spent a good hour without a single bite. So, we abandoned that plan and went mushroom hunting. After a few hours of nothing, he left and I decided to check a few more spots. I ended up finding a log with literally hundreds of pear shaped puffballs and a nice patch of common puffballs at another spot. In mushroom hunting, it pays to walk that extra mile.

3. Darth Carp
This one only sort of counts, but I have a river spot that is full of massive grass carp. Well, after trying and failing to catch bass, I began casting out just a worm and bobber. I was catching little channel cat and gar left and right. With the gar, you have to let them take the bobber for a while before setting the hook, so after I casted along a deep cut bank, the bobber went down and started going downstream. So far as I can tell, grass carp are either extremely skittish and intelligent or totally blockheaded and risk prone.

At that point, I had no idea what had taken my bobber, so I set my drag fairly tight and jerked the line. Immediately I know I had a mondo. After a fifteen minute fight, I finally got the fish close to shore. I was using the same gear I use for crappie fishing, so you can imagine how massive it felt. In the world of grass carp, it wasn't the biggest I've seen, but I'll bet it was in the ten to fifteen pound region.

Top Three Times My Plans Failed and it Just Stunk

1. Heat Sickness
Guys, drink a lot of water. You can always pee it out. I decided to go fishing in the nuke days of summer and since I'm incredibly stubborn, I stayed out for five or six hours without proper hydration. I knew I was in trouble when I stopped sweating and the day had gotten no less brutal. I went home and immediately felt nauseous and exhausted. That was followed by diarrhea and a few days of feeling generally crappy. Don't do that.

2. Stank City

Don't judge me for my muskrat obsession

I used to fish at a little pond by my house that was overrun by muskrats. One day, I found one on the edge of the bank. It was fall and it seemed fresh (que the groans) so I decided to take the pelt. Oddly enough, I began seeing dead muskrats almost every time I went out there. One had been victim to the bank collapsing on him. One was floating in the water. Another was just on the bank, no visible signs of what had killed it. I took the pelts from two of these (after getting permission from a conservation agent). Well...they weren't a fresh as I thought. I left a bag I had used in the cleaning process in my trunk. There are few smells as foul as ripe muskrat. I froze the pelts thinking they'd stay good, but they were already bad before the ice could work its magic. I ended up throwing them away.






3. Oh Persimmons...
Last year I discovered a patch of wild persimmon trees. I was STOKED! I decided to make persimmon jelly and was shocked that no one else seemed to have noticed or tried to collect the fruit. This story was actually part of one of my first blog posts, and you might know where this is going. Persimmons, when they aren't ripe, taste like someone wiped bitter chalk inside your mouth. It also turns out that it's very difficult to tell when a persimmon is ripe. Oi vey evolution! Basically, I made a nice big batch of chalk flavored jelly. No beuno.

Adaptability as a Woodsman's Ethic 

When it comes to the outdoors, I would rather be a jack of all trades and a master of none than invest all my time and energy into say, bass fishing or deer hunting. As you guys know, that means being able to recognize wild edibles, understand ecosystems, know strategies to chase a variety of game, and be able to snatch at opportunities that present themselves. This takes more time and research than choosing to focus on one type of game and it extends the possible range of interests beyond what's popular in sporting magazines, hunter forums, and traditional, western hunting culture.

Cast netting is an essential part of bait fishing. Add this to your repertoire of outdoors skills 

In truth, a lot of guys come to this same conclusion. They start hunting ducks, or rabbit, or squirrel, or deer, and soon want to branch out. Having both the knowledge and willingness to change plans can mean the difference between a bad day of hunting or fishing and a great day.

Common Multi-Species Habitat

Edges are often key in finding midwestern animals. Rabbit, squirrel, deer, turkey, coyote, and many species of birds gravitate towards edge habitats. Turkey hunters often focus on fields that are bordered by woods. Why? It's all about food and safety.

When hunting, try and locate mass crop trees, such as oaks and hickories. This is where being a well rounded woodsman comes into play. You need to know what trees offer the most amount of food. Animals will be drawn to that. In the summer, look for edge areas with mulberry trees and bushes. Grass on the edges of trees, leaf cover within forested areas, and areas with decaying wood provide insects for smaller mammals and birds to feast on.

Eating Weird Stuff

Variety is the spice of life! Possum may not be the spice of the woods or beaver the foie gras of the lake, but hey, meat is meat to a certain extent. It's always fun to step outside your area of expertise. Get out there, try new things, catch something people regard as trash, eat it, and learn something from the experience. Of course, always be safe, but be willing to take calculated risks! As always, stay nerdy!

Sometimes your adventures have rewards! Ask my cousin Malachi