Hanging Fish, Getting the Craps (Multiple Times), and other Adventure Failures

Get it closer to the camera...no, dangit, move your fingers!

What do you do when you've just caught ten fish, but have no cooler, have less than an hour to go to work, and a thirty minute drive ahead? Improvise.

Adventuring is as much about the failures as it is about the successes. Here are a few of my favorite moments of failure in my outdoors adventure thus far.

Carp-Less It was summer. I was new to fishing and my cousin Dakota and I had hooked into a large carp. Problem was, the bank we were on was about five feet above the water and I only had fourteen pound line. It was an epic fight, the carp darting with the current, while I held on for dear life, drunk on adrenaline. I persuaded Dakota to lay on the muddy bank, leaning out over the water with my little bass net. Finally, I got the fish to shore, but it was so big that it only fit halfway in the net. Dakota tried to lift it, but it flopped out and unhooked itself in the process, disappearing into the muddy water.

Poos in the Woods No, not like Winnie the Pooh. All I'm saying is, don't go outdoors in the morning after drinking coffee if you haven't had a bathroom break. Look out for that forked tree on the top trail of Blue River. Sorry.

Unintentional Swimming Another summer day of exploration gone wrong. I was checking out some residential creeks and I thought that instead of walking back the way I came, I would just jump it instead. Except, I just landed in the water and sunk into mud up to my ankles. My shoes were never the same.

Hang-Em High Before Laura and I were married, we went fishing with our friend Michael at a local lake. I managed to cast my line over a branch and couldn't get it undone. My brilliant plan was, therefore, to let my line back into the water, catch a fish, which would then break the branch, and reel it back in. Part one worked perfectly. I caught a bluegill and hoisted it out of the water. The branch, however, didn't break. So instead, I ended up catching my line with another rod, reeling it and the fish in, and cutting it from the hook end. Not ideal.

Can I Pick Your Mushrooms? Thought my neighbors had some edible mushrooms in their back yard. I didn't want to just hop the fence and look. So, I knocked on their door. Man of the house answered in not much clothing and I awkwardly explained that I wanted to pick the mushrooms in his back yard. Surprisingly, he said I could. Went back and they were a very poisonous amanita mushroom. Alas.

Second Chance Fishing I went to Lake of the Ozarks for my bachelor party and my sole fishing goal on that trip was to catch a big blue cat. While we did end up catching countless big blue-gill, drum, and a small channel cat, I still hadn't caught the trophy blue I was looking for. The last night we were there, I went out at sunset and cast a bobber line in while I set up my bottom rig. Halfway through tying everything on, I looked up and saw my bobber take a steep dive. I set the hook and started an epic battle! Then, as soon as it started, the fish got off just after I'd seen that it was indeed my coveted blue catfish. Devastated, I asked God for it to come back and cast my line back in. Sure enough, a few minutes later, it bit again, but this time, I got it in.

Turtles and Things that Rhyme with Duck I caught a soft shell turtle, as my first foray into non-fish hunting. While I was cleaning it, I stabbed the tip of my thumb with my fillet knife. No one was around, but I unintentionally blurted out F*$%! in a voice that could only be described as a bad stereotype of an Asian woman. Not really a conscious choice, just sort of came out. My thumb was fine.

Poison Ivy On the ankles. Twitched with horrible itching convulsions. Dad thought he gave me poison ivy medicine, but it was foot cream. Need I say more?

Heat Exhaustion Summer days are dangerous. I pushed myself fishing and didn't drink enough water. I sweated enough to fill a saltwater swimming pool. Had exhaustion and the craps for three days after.

Paw-Paw Poos Noticing a trend here? Gilbert goes into the woods, finds un-industrialized native fruit, and tells everyone about them! Gilbert eats too many of them and gets diarrhea. Now Gilbert is grossed out by them. Great job.

Deadliest Catch Bobber fishing on a steep bank. Caught what felt like a good fish. In my excitement to get it, I fell down said steep bank. The fish was still on, so I reeled it in. It was an average size blue gill. Not worth it.

I think I learned things from these experiences...I think. Anyways, if you enjoyed this, make sure to keep up to date with the happenings at NerdVenture and as always, stay nerdy ;)